A Definitive Ranking of the White Boys of the Month
"you aight white boy" TBD
You guys are in a white boy of the month crisis. I’m on my way.
Not to brag, but I’m a certified white boy of the month historian, and you can ask literally anyone I went to middle school with to confirm that. I single-handedly managed to get every girl in my grade to start crushing on Tom Holland so that I could resell Tom Holland Spiderman stickers. Trust me when I say that I know what makes a good white boy of the month and I know how to market them. This is the game I love. I think I know more about white boys of the month than you do genius.
For legal reasons and for the sake of time, I will only be discussing and ranking white boys of the month who are currently thirty-five and under. Cillian Murphy, Swann Arlaud, Sam Claflin, Hugh Grant, Andy Samberg, Lee Pace, Joseph Gordon-Levitt (hey king), Tom Hardy, etc. will have to sit this one out. They’ve outgrown “white boy of the month” anyway. They’re the white men of all time. Bless their hearts. This is a very official and definitive list because we all know I have incredible atrocious taste in men. Attractiveness is subjective, so I will be ranking them simply on vibes and career trajectory1. And yes, I know “white boys of the month” are an inherently problematic concept, but for the sake of this ranking, God forbid women have hobbies. David Jonsson, Damson Idris, and Brandon Perea outsold and will continue to outsell any of them anyway, so this I’m doing for fun. Let the White Boy of the Month Hunger Games begin and may the odds be ever in your fav’s favor. And if I forgot your fav, well…
30. Louis Partridge*🇬🇧
I feel like I wouldn’t have heard this man’s name at any point since 2022 if he didn’t start dating Olivia Rodrigo. However, he is going to be in that stacked Noah Baumbach movie later this year so maybe I should let him cook. I’m obsessed with the fact that he was an extra in Paddington 2. Between that and dating Olivia, he’s kind of winning at life, and I certainly don’t see an Oscar in his future, but you know, good for him.
29. Dylan O’Brien
I can’t get on board with the Dylan O’Brien hype. Sorry to this man. The alleged Sabrina Carpenter and Gracie Abrams love triangle is simply too much for my brain to compute so he has been forced to give me the ick on that alleged information alone. I’m still excited to see Twinless though. Are you really a white boy of the month if you don’t dabble in gay-for-pay at least once? However, his nonexistent relationship with his sibling is very weird! I’m not hungry. Good luck with booking that stage you speak of, sir.
28. Logan Lerman
The internet’s boyfriend. Hmmmmm. He was in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, so at least he’s always got that going for him and that’s the reason he’s doing better on this list than I’d like. I just don’t care enough. He doesn’t want it enough anyway. How am I supposed to work with that? Chop!
27. Dominic Sessa
The curious case of Dominic Sessa. He was incredible in The Holdovers, giving one of the defining acting debuts of the 21st century. He has the Now You See Me sequel and a Michelle Pfeiffer-led Christmas movie coming out later this year. He has the juice, but his career could really go any way at this point. I sold my Dominic Sessa stocks when I saw him in an AI Hotels.com commercial because I just can’t support that kind of lifestyle, but good for him for getting his bag I suppose. If he can pull off the Bourdain biopic, maybe I’ll consider taking him back on and moving his ranking.
26. Austin Butler*
I simply cannot respect a man doing Brad Pitt cosplay. Be serious. Why would anyone want to look up to that nasty abuser? Ick and accent aside, he’s freakishly good in Dune: Part Two and he currently has seven confirmed projects in the works according to IMDB, so I suppose we’ll all have to put up with Sharpay’s Fabulous Adventure actor Austin Butler a little while longer. I’m not happy about it though. I think we can do better than this.
25. Jacob Elordi*
Jacob Elordi’s cultural impact to me is just that picture of him wearing a cropped corset. There’s nothing in this world I love more than men in crop tops. He’s going to get a ton of hate for Wuthering Heights and dating Olivia Jade is kinda killing his aura, but he also has Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein going for him and I liked him well enough in Priscilla, so I don’t really know what to think of his future. If he keeps wearing crop tops, perhaps I will let him get away with signing onto yet another Emerald Fennell film.
24. Barry Keoghan*🇮🇪
Barry Keoghan stocks plummeted when he fumbled Sabrina Carpenter. He was my personal white boy of November 2021 when I saw Eternals. I saw the vision then, and I haven’t since. He’s playing Ringo Starr in the four 2028 Beatles biopics so do with that what you will. As of now, the other biopic Beatles boys have outsold him so I’m moving on. Brown eye contacts, please.
23. Nicholas Galitzine*🇬🇧
Between Camila Cabello’s Cinderella, Netflix’s Purple Hearts, and a Harry Styles Wattpad adaptation, Nicholas Galitzine’s filmography is questionable, to say the very least. But I don’t think he’s a lost cause! He was great in Bottoms and he has lead roles in Masters of the Universe and 100 Nights of Hero headed his way, so I am watching his career with great interest. There’s plenty of potential here if he plays his cards right and stops signing onto straight-to-streaming slop.
22. Tucker Pillsbury
I rarely listen to men, but Role Model is just too good for me to ignore. I saw him open for Gracie last year, and being at barricade, I can say from experience that this man has incredible aura. The music is great too (“Some Protector,” hello?!) which certainly helps and he just signed onto the Lena Dunham rom-com starring Mark Ruffalo and Natalie Portman. I truly believe he’s Gen-Z’s heartthrob pop boy in waiting.
21. Mark Eydelshteyn
It was up in the air whether Mark Eydelshteyn would be able to ride the Anora success to make a name for himself in the U.S., but now that he’s been announced to lead the next season of Mr. & Mrs. Smith, I’ve got my eye on him. In any other instance, I’d think Timothée would be too much an obstacle for him, but I do think his Russian accent and lethal face card set him apart from the pack. And I would hate to pit two bad white boys against each other.
20. Joseph Quinn*🇬🇧
Dating Doja Cat is certainly a choice, but he’s been killing his post-Stranger Things career and no doubt making serious bank off all these blockbusters. Locking himself into Marvel and Beatles contracts is a huge risk, but he’s certainly building a name for himself which I think will pay off in the long run. The jury is still out on him.
19. Will Poulter🇬🇧
Will Poulter has been acting for nearly two decades now, so it feels very wrong to call him a “white boy of the month,” but he was in Warfare with every other white boy of the month so he brought this upon himself. He has a great screen presence in The Bear and he’ll be in Boots Riley’s I Love Boosters. He also does a ton of activism over on his Instagram, so he’s earned my respect on that alone. He’s definitely proven he has staying power in this industry, so he’s got me there.
18. Jack Quaid
Jack Quaid plays incels a little too well. I’ve got my eye on him. However, he has a really fun, well-rounded filmography and he wears his nepo baby status on his sleeve, so he’s alright with me. A punchable face, but one I can work with.
17. Charles Melton
Mr. “Riverdale was my Juilliard,” you will always be famous! If you haven’t seen May December, please, do yourself a favor and watch it as soon as possible. Charles Melton would already have an Oscar by now if I had something to say about it. If he plays his cards right, there’s nothing stopping him from being in the awards season conversation once again. The lethal jawline certainly helps too. He was passed the wasian representation baton from Keanu Reeves, and he’s sprinting with it.
16. Cooper Hoffman
Four movies out and four in production doesn’t give me a lot to work with, but if this kid is anywhere close to as talented as his dad, he’s got a very bright future ahead of him. I’m very intrigued to see him in Gregg Araki’s I Want Your Sex and Francis Lawrence’s The Long Walk. On the other hand, I have a feeling all the nepo babies involved in the nepo baby circlejerk final boss (Jake Bongiovi lol…lmao even) that is Poetic License are going to get cooked big time. If he can escape that unscathed, he can do anything. At 22, he’s also one of the youngest people on this list, so I’m basically required to just let him cook.
15. Gabriel LaBelle
I bought Gabriel LaBelle stocks the second I saw The Fabelmans, and I still believe he is the chosen one. As long as he doesn’t get stuck doing biopics for the rest of his life, this kid has it. Just trust me, guys. Walk with me here.
14. Callum Turner🇬🇧
He’s hot, and I can tell he knows it. Perhaps he knows it a little too well. However, he is engaged to Dua Lipa so he’s on my good side until further notice. He has a really cheesy filmography, but he’s in my favorite film of the year, Atropia, so I have reason to believe his agent has finally locked in. #MyJamesBond
13. Patrick Ball
I’m seriously considering seeing him in Hamlet this summer. That’s all. Also, he might be too old to be on this list, but I can’t find his age anywhere so it’s not my problem that he’s an enigma. Adds to the appeal, doesn’t it?
12. Elijah Hewson🇮🇪
God bless the Irish! A nepo baby I can get behind. White boys used to start bands with their friends. White boys don’t start bands with their friends anymore. They need to get back to doing that instead of making podcasts. I believe Eli Hewson will lead this specific revolution. I love a man who can play guitar. Stream “Your House.” Also obsessed with him wearing Palestine pins to his dad’s Cannes premiere. You aight white boy for real.
11. Tom Blyth🇬🇧
This man has all of my respect simply because he is one of a handful of people in Hollywood who have stood by Rachel Zegler’s side through thick and thin. Not to mention, holding your own in a role that was previously performed by Donald Sutherland is an insane ask that Tom Blyth somehow managed to deliver on. Go see Plainclothes when it comes out later this year. I can’t stress enough how good he is in this film. I also have a theory that Luca Guadagnino is going to jump on the Tom Blyth hype train soon enough, and once Luca joins in on a white boy of the month campaign, there’s no stopping it. Buy your Tom Blyth stock while you can.
10. Jack Champion
The youngest member on this list, Jack Champion is a movie star to me. The Avatar: The Way of Water and Scream VI back-to-back run in late 2022/early 2023 was legendary. This year, he has Freaky Tales, Everything’s Going to Be Great (with Bryan Cranston and Allison Janney!), and most importantly, Avatar: Fire and Ash where Spider will no doubt have an even bigger role in things than he already has. Safe to say, I am watching his white boy of the month stocks with great interest. Jack Champion, I’m free any time. I want you so bad. I also want you cast in a rom-com so bad, but we’ll get there.
9. Mike Faist
I don’t mean to brag, but I got a theater kid discount on Mike Faist stocks all the way back in 2015. Ten years of waiting and my Mike Faist stocks are through the roof. West Side Story, The Bikeriders, Challengers! Whatever his agent is doing, don’t stop! He should be in everything ever. An Oscar win lies in his future. I can see it. I can smell it.
8. Drew Starkey
Drew Starkey, you have been promoted! You are now one of my elite employees! I feel like Drew Starkey was the last major white boy of the month we had back in January/February of this year. His smoke too tough. His swag too different. No white boy has been able to live up to his run since. He’s been putting in the work on Outer Banks for the past five years, but it was Luca Guadagnino (yet again) who brought this white boy to the big leagues. I don’t think his show with Anya Taylor-Joy will necessarily be good, but AppleTV+ is having a moment right now, so I’m reserving my judgement. Regardless of the quality, a Drew Starkey and Anya Taylor-Joy press tour will do numbers with the bisexual community, and that is where the true power of the white boy of the month lies. I would know.
7. Jeremy Allen White*
Jeremy Allen White, it seems I’ve grown quite fond of you. Though there are no sexual urges or desires, you come to me as a long lost friend whom I once picked apples with in papa’s orchard. Does his personal life seem a little messy? Yes, but that’s none of my business when his filmography is this good. I think he’s handling his transition from TV to film really well, though I do hope that like Gabriel LaBelle he manages to avoid being biopic typecast for the rest of his life. I’ve got my eye on his upcoming joint slay with fellow TV icon Jeremy, Jeremy Strong, in the Bruce Springsteen biopic. They’re both having a similar career trajectory and Strong just got an Oscar nomination, so it doesn’t seem like White is too far off. You guys saw how much noise his Calvin Klein campaign made, did you not? This is a potential movie star. Now, go watch The Iron Claw.
6. David Corenswet
I bought David Corenswet stock in 2019, so I’m about to be incredibly (hypothetically) rich. His face card single-handedly got me through The Politician, Pearl, and Twisters. He is the chosen one, and most importantly, he is our Superman! It is basically set in stone that he will take his crown as July 2025’s white boy of the month. Get in now. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
5. Paul Mescal*🇮🇪
I hypothetically single-handedly ran his Aftersun campaign. Outside of a dud here or there, he has pretty great taste in projects while also trying to get some blockbuster clout from Gladiator II and the Beatles biopics. He has serious movie star potential, and he always has his inevitable Oscar for Merrily We Roll Along in however many decades from now. His biggest controversies are the Phoebe Bridgers and Gracie Abrams love triangle and the hilarious fables that he runs away from his hookups in the park, so I’ll take it. If we want to bring back unproblematic movie stars, I think he’s our guy.
4. Tom Holland🇬🇧
My man, my man, my man. He has a pretty atrocious filmography, but I think working with Nolan might be a turning point for him. Even if he is stuck wearing a Spiderman suit forever, he’s getting married to Zendaya. They’re going to be THE Hollywood couple until they, God forbid, divorce or die, so his name will always be in the press and hopefully at the top of directors’ wishlists if he chooses to continue acting. He’s my OG white boy of the month. I simply don’t have the heart to take him out of the top five. Sorry!
3. Josh O’Connor🇬🇧
Friendship ended with Tom Holland. Josh O’Connor is my new best friend. He’s already a movie star to the gayest person you know, but I truly believe Josh O’Connor is going to be one of the great movie stars of his generation. He doesn’t have social media which is a plus in my eyes. All that time spent offline for him is spent working with auteur directors of all genres and generations like Kelly Reichardt, Rian Johnson, and Steven Spielberg. Challengers made him big, but he has like five projects coming out next year including a Spielberg summer blockbuster. Forget BRAT summer. Summer 2026 is going to be Josh O’Connor summer. Mark my words and mark your calendars. He’s not going to be white boy of the month anymore. He’s going to be white boy of the year.
2. Harris Dickinson*🇬🇧
My Harris Dickinson stocks are truly my most prized possession. He’s been quietly working his way up for the last decade. Triangle of Sadness opened the flood gates which led to Scrapper, The Iron Claw, and Babygirl. He’s already one of my favorite actors based on everything I’ve seen him in, and the sheer cultural impact of “Father Figure” paired with whatever he’s going to pull off with the John Lennon biopics is going to make him as big of a name as he deserves to be. I love my British pro-Palestine kings!
1. Timothée Chalamet*
Everyone else on this list is vying to be a movie star, but Timothée already is which makes him a shoo-in for first place. I don’t make the rules. Well, I do, but I’m giving him first place anyway. Sorry! I look at his filmography, and I have nothing to add. It truly speaks for itself, his work ethic, and his publicized desire to be one of the greats. He’s going to get there. It’s not a matter of if but when. This guy is a 21st century studio’s wet dream. They just copy and pasted the Leonardo DiCaprio formula and pulled it off which makes his cinephile frat boy persona so unsurprising to me. He’s a movie star who appeals to everyone. Isn’t that what movie stars do? The way he balances indie passion projects and global blockbusters with such ease is a remarkable ability considering how young he still is. He’s somehow only going to get better from here, and I can’t wait to watch. You could argue his presence on this list is unfair to his competitors, but he has the Call Me By Your Name dance scene on his resume so I think that alone qualifies him. Go off Troye Sivan! (and never email Shia LaBeouf again)
If I missed anyone, please let me know in the comments below for my consideration. Thank you all for coming to my very professional and very serious TED Talk.
*10/30 with musician “biopics” on their resume. Interesting indeed. Just come out with your own music at this point. Let’s see what you really got. I want to see these boys fighting over Grammys and tour sales. I want to see the final boss of the parasocial stans. I want to hear Paul Mescal singing about running away from hookups in the park. I want it all. Give it to me!
Omg that poll is Sophie’s Choice!
This is a very fun list, even if I don't know many of these white boys, which is simply a testament to my age. If you do a white man of the month ranking, I will be sat.